Monthly Archives: October 2011

The Romance Fantasy. From Both Points of View

Remember a while back all the discussions brought about by a book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Well, the fact of the matter is that was an incredible understatement, the way men and women look at similar situations are like two parallel universes with similar languages, but completely different interpretations of those languages. Millions of years of evolution have caused men and women to see the same things differently, and with the occasional rare exception, act differently in their pursuit of life’s emotional necessities, including romance. So, lets take a little look at Romance and how it is viewed by each gender and what their ultimate goals are.

A man’s romantic fantasy basically has nothing to do with our common interpretation of romance; it is more of a fantasy based on passion or desire than romance. The common male fantasy is to sleep with many attractive women both singularly or at the same time. Whether this is do in part from “Darwinian” theories or just that most males given the opportunity, turn into the quintessential “horn dogs”. In either case, the male brain is geared more to the act of physical intimacy than the pursuit of emotional intimacy or romance.

Females on the other hand have a completely different perception of romance, and as such go about achieving it in different ways than men. Contrary to the male perception that they must surround themselves with many women, the female fantasy revolves around one man. This fantasy is not just about any man, but the one who can provide for her a safe and stable relationship and provide financial stability as well, the ideal provider if you will. This fantasy results in a commitment that takes the anxiety (for the most part) out of her life about how she will maintain her lifestyle and who she will live out her years with. If the female achieves her fantasy it in effect destroys the classic male fantasy, as he must now give up the romantic notions of being the next Casanova, Gene Simmons or even Charlie Sheen!

The male fantasy seems to heavily rely on the pursuit of the female as once attained men will quite often go in search of the next great catch. For women the best part of a relationship is the stability of that relationship itself while men look at the chase as the driving force. While on a quest men will spend ridiculous amounts of money trying to catch the woman of his fantasy, but shortly after he attains his goal, he will spend precious little in trying to maintain it. He will however break his bank account on concerts, sporting events and weekend trips to Vegas with his buddies.

No matter which way you look at romance or fantasies, it’s not easy trying to decipher the codes that make men look at romance one way while women tend to see it another way. Romance can quite often be like running a triathlon, it could be very difficult and there may be times that you will want to quit, but you know that each step you take makes you stronger and that you will feel great once you cross the finish line.



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