Face it guys, women are aliens sent from another galaxy to turn our brains into oatmeal! This has got to be true as I can see no other alternative as to why they sometimes act the way that the do. We continuously give women the benefit of the doubt in all situations and in return we get the verbal equivalent of a kick in the head. Have you ever noticed that as the attractiveness goes up so does the drama related to that woman? Beautiful women that are over 35 years old are among the leading cause of death among middle aged men, really! its true!, and with most of them lately trying to apply for concealed weapons permits, the male gender is in some serious trouble.
Drama Queens believe they are in fact royalty, and expect to be treated as such. Have you ever been to a fancy restaurant with one these evil creatures when she turns from Doctor Jekyll into Ms. Hyde? This transformation usually takes place somewhere after the first glass of wine and before the appetizer, which leads us to believe that the catalyst for this transformation is bread. These exceptionally attractive women, who we usually find on the various free online dating sites, must starve themselves from eating any carbohydrates during the week in order to fit into their slinky little black dress that is a mainstay of the Sugarbabe wardrobe. Once they sit down and begin to eat the bread that they have been denying themselves all weeklong, you will notice that they then begin to wave the butter knife around like it was an extension of their hand. They also feel the need to point it directly at you, that is until the waiter, who is busy with normal customers takes that one extra moment before arriving at your table to ask if you are ready for your main course. Ms. Hyde then begins the evil glare and begins telling you loudly how inefficient the kitchen crew is, and how it will be reflected in their tip. You on the other hand are trying to alert the poor waiter as to which meal is yours and that he can spit in hers if he wishes, you will understand.
Some how, you make it through the meal and begin walking to the valet to pick up your car and drive your date home. She on the other hand is ranting and raving what a wonderful Sugardaddy your are and can’t wait to get you to her house. A cold tingle goes up your spine and the thought of possibly falling asleep in the company of this women brings back thoughts of the movie alien. As you are driving, you think about your idol, James Bond, 007, and how great it would be to have an ejector seat built into your Mercedes. As you near her home, you begin to think about the other Sugarbabe you enjoy spending time with, she is not as pretty, but you never cease to have a great time with her.
Your are within mere blocks of her place and the sweat is beading down your forehead, she begins her amorous moves on you and for second you consider reaching over and opening the car door and giving her a quick shove and a wave goodbye, you then think about which would be worse, the prison sentence or the bedroom. Crunch time is now at hand as you pull to the curb, in a last grasp at salvation you blurt out how you need to just call the STD clinic to make sure you are on the right meds this week.
As she races to her front door you can barely make out her saying that she will call you this week, sometime…Your smile is from ear to ear as you apologize to your other Sugarbabe over the phone for the late call, and ask her out for a night cap as your meeting ran a bit late. You swear you will never put yourself in this position again no matter how attractive the woman is…until next time, that is.