Have you ever been to a beach on a fine summer’s day in South Florida? The water is flat calm and so crystal clear that you can see the fish swimming along the shore. What you can also see is the body shapes and any major flaws on those doing a bit of sun worshipping on the warm tropical sand. Tan bodies with little or nothing covering them up will certainly give you a great idea of what you may be getting yourself into in a purely aesthetical way of thinking. Every little beauty mark, scar, area of cellulite and stretch mark is visible to naked eye. For many this is not a very big deal while for others it can be a make or break situation. The beach is therefore the greatest supporter of truth in advertising that one could hope for. I have seen far too often in my years in the tropics that the people you met down here from the north and thought were in shape turned out to be the same ones that resembled weebles and were wearing Speedo’s and thongs in plain view of all. They make sun glasses to protect from the sun; they should make glasses to protect us from seeing this stuff too!
So now as we approach the winter months and my thoughts are now turning from the sun and fun of Florida to the Snow and ski slopes of Telluride, Colorado where I spend a part of each winter chasing down the snow bunnies and doing a bit of networking for business. It is at winter resorts such as here that I find a cruel twist of fate; I cannot determine the shapeliness or fatal design flaws of the ladies while they are wearing enough layers of clothing to open a goodwill store! There was a time when I had a particularly strenuous final run down a black diamond slope, racing a tall blonde woman about 35 years old all the way down. She had a smile that was as bright as those you see on a crest commercial on television and was sporting the newest designer ski apparel from head to toe. After some small talk I arranged to rendezvous with her at 7pm for a bit of hot tub fun. I arrived a bit after seven and found her already enjoying the warm water with a light snow falling around us. I did not need to ease myself into the tub as with a 12 degree outside temperature it was every man for himself! Things were progressing nicely when she offered to go get us a few hot après ski drinks. As she got out of the hot tub and grabbed her towel I gazed upon something that unfortunately may be burned into my memory for a very long time. As this immense thong eating butt emerged from the water I witnessed enough cellulite and fat that if you smacked it you could ride the waves! If that weren’t enough she had the words “Dirty Girl” with a picture of a nasty Jessica Rabbit tattooed on her right cheek. I was probably half way to Aspen by the time she returned. The upscale ski resorts are nice, but the beaches of Florida are much more honest!